


the ghost of you

by ollietwist



Series: Penderwick Oneshots [5]
Category: The Penderwicks Series - Jeanne Birdsall
Genre: Gen, Some angst, hair cutting, sister bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26662912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollietwist/pseuds/ollietwist
Summary: “I’m done,” she spat.“Skye. Please calm down.”“No,” she growled. “I’m sick of it.”“Skye. Think this through. It’s not that big of a deal.”“Maybe not to you! But it is for me! You can’t stop me!”Skye deals with her mother's death.
Relationships: Rosalind Penderwick & Skye Penderwick
Series: Penderwick Oneshots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788112
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	the ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> Do I have homework? Yes. Do I have other fics I'm working on? Yes. But here we are with some angst because why not?

“ _I’m done_ ,” she spat.

“Skye. Please calm down.”

“No,” she growled. “I’m sick of it.”

“Skye. Think this through. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Maybe not to you! But it is for me! You can’t stop me!”

“I know I can’t but please. At least just talk to me. And please not with the scissors in your hand!”

“Watch me.” _Snip._

A sigh. “Are you satisfied now?” _Snip._

A glare back. “To quote my sisters’ obsession, ‘I will never be satisfied.’” _Snip._

“Skye…” _Snip._

“Rosy.” _Snip._

“Please just talk to me.”

“I think you know exactly what I’m going to say.” _Snip._

“Skye, I really don’t.” _Snip._

“ _Really_?” _Snip._ “Think about it. You’ve got quite the brain up there.” _Snip._

“I’m not a mind-reader. Skye. Please. Talk to me,” she pleaded. _Snip._

“I told you. I’m done. Done with it all. It’s over.”

“Skye what drove you to this? Please just put down the scissors and _explain!_ ”

Skye turned to her sister, tears pooling in her eyes.

“Look at me! Do you know who I am? Or can you not see me beyond how I look?”

“Skye, I’m your sister. Of course I know who you are.”

“No you don’t.” She turned away once more. _Snip._

“Skye just stop for a damn second! What good is this doing?”

“It’s cathartic.” _Snip._

“Why? What’s so freeing about this?”

“I can look myself in the eye again.” _Snip._

Silence.

“Skye, I really don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. You don’t see her.”

“What?”

“A ghost. Ghosts. Rosy I can’t stand to see them anymore!” _Snip._ “She stares at me. She has my face. She moves when I do, but it’s someone else. And it’s what everyone else sees!” _Snip._ “I’m not Elizabeth Penderwick!” _Snip._

“Skye. No one ever said you were.”

Skye rounded on her sister, hair wild and eyes blazing.

“Tell that to Dad who always mentions how Mom had the same mannerisms I have. Tell that to Batty who is always to told to look at me to understand what Mom used to look like! Tell that to our grandparents that hug me like glass anytime I see them! They look at me like their daughter time traveled and not like their granddaughter just happens to be the one to share their features! And you. You look at me like you want to say something. I see your head turn with your mouth open more than you know. Like you’re about to tell something to Mom that only she would understand. But then you double-take and realize it’s _me._ That I’m not _her._ ”

A _snip_ punctuated the air.

“Skye…”

“Save your pity.” _Snip._ “I’m just so done with it all.” _Snip._

“You’re upset. I get that. But this isn’t the way to go about it.” _Snip._

“Really? Really? How do you suggest I do that? Talk to everyone only for them to vehemently deny it and nothing gets better?” _Snip._

“Have you tried that?”

“I am right now and it’s going over so well.” _Snip._

“Skye.”

“Rosy.” _Snip._ “You didn’t deny a thing I said. You changed the subject. I’m right. I usually am. Let me have this. Let me be my own person. _Please._ ”

And with that, tears streamed down her face, blurring her vision.

“Skye. Give me the scissors.”

She shook her head.

Rosy walked up behind her, looking over her sister’s shoulder into the mirror. “Please Skye.”

Rosy carefully reached and held onto Skye’s hand, prying her fingers from around the blades.

“There. The wasn’t too hard.”

“Rosy.” A whimper.

“Shhhh. It’s okay.” _Snip, snip._

“Rosy. What are you doing?” _Snip, snip._

“Well seeing as you did a terrible job cutting chunks of hair off your head in a fit of passion Jane would be proud of, I think I should at least make you look presentable.” _Snip-snip._

“Why?”

“Skye, I’m sorry. I always thought you were proud to look like Mom. I didn’t realize.”

“I was,” sighed Skye. “I used to look in the mirror and smile at myself and imagine she was here and proud of me. But the older I get the more everyone says how much I remind them of her. How much they miss her and then begin to wonder what life would be like if she was still here. I’m a shadow of her. I look in the mirror now and I see her disappointment in me. For the hurtful things I said. For the pride I can’t let go of. I don’t have just myself judging me for what I do. Our dead mother is there too. And I-I can’t take it anymore.” _Snip-snip._

“You’re okay Skye. You’re okay.” _Snip-snip._

“Rosy, I’m not.”

“Maybe not right now but you will be. Can I just ask why the hair?”

“Mom always had long hair. Every picture, every memory, it was long. And when I cut it years ago after Jane’s whole fire-deity-disaster, everyone said that this must have been what Mom looked like with short hair, insinuating that her hair was never short. This can be mine. Not hers.” _Snip-snip._ “I might color it too. Just for kicks.”

Rosy ran her hand through Skye’s hair checking the length. “Go for it.”

“I think I will.”

“I think I’ve evened it out the best I can and I know you aren’t really big on styling. Unless you want me to do anything else, we’re good here.” Rosy stepped back to let Skye look herself in the mirror.

A pause. “I do have one last thing to ask you,” said Skye.

“What?”

Skye reached under the sink and pulled out the clippers. “Can you shave the side of my head?”

“What?”

Skye rolled her blood-shot eyes. “Shave my head. Not bald mind you, but shaved nonetheless.”

Rosy swallowed and nodded, taking the clippers from Skye’s outstretched hand. She plugged them in and put the blades on her sister’s head. Tufts of hair fell to the ground as she carefully ran the clippers over her head. In a few minutes, she was done and the side of Skye’s head was now shaved.

“Thanks, Rosy. This means a lot.”

“You’re welcome. I’m here for you. But I do have a question: the cutting and possible coloring is normal but why the shaving?”

Skye sighed. “I wanted to originally shave my entire head, just get rid of all my stupid hair. But then I realized that wouldn’t solve my problem.” A deep breath. “Mom never lost her hair since she never went through chemo. But she could of. Everyone expected it. And if I shaved my head, everyone would still see Mom but not. They’d see a phantom. No one even look at me.” A humorless laugh. “I couldn’t do that now either. So my nice compromise, a hairstyle she had never had. Uniquely me.”

Rosy reached out and wrapped her arms around her sister.

“I’m so sorry that you ever felt like you were someone else. But you’re the mot unique person I know. And for the record, your hair really fits you and you look good.”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. Thanks for doing this and sticking with me.”

“Sisters are there for each other.” The tension released and they backed away from each other. Rosy smiled. “Make sure you clean all this up before you leave. I’m going to see about dinner.”

Skye smiled back. “Sure thing.”

Rosy left the bathroom and Skye looked at herself in the mirror, running a hand through her choppy hair.

For the first time she could remember, the ghosts didn’t stare back at her.

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of inspiration for this. 
> 
> Birdsall wrote "In Spring" that Skye had short hair pulled in random directions and I wanted to write a reason why. Then I remembered there was that entire scene with Jane chopping her hair off over a dumb middle school crush, but this is a better angst (I think). 
> 
> Throughout the series, Rosalind and Batty deal with the impact of their mother's death and how that shapes their identity. Rosalind stepping into a motherly role and Batty not knowing her but having her name. But Skye is the only one that looks like her and I think that at some point that would culminate into an identity crisis. I also kinda want to write something about Jane dealing with it as well. That might come.
> 
> Other minor influences, I decided to chop off my hair at 10:30 pm recently cause why not and while I was writing something else, Car Radio came on and made me want to write this.
> 
> -
> 
> I'm skye-penderwick on tumblr. Come say hi


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